What can YOU say in six sentences?
Herman joined the AARP a week before his 50th birthday, although Celeste, 13 years his senior, had never joined and saw no point in belonging to a group whose only commonality was age.
Herman was broody about reaching his five-oh.
One day, after surveying his collection of wide, printed tops that concealed his budding Buddha belly, he announced that, pretty soon, he was going to need bigger shirts.
"Let's sew my blouses to your shirts," Celeste said, "and we'll get in…Continue
1. Mrs. Ada Williams is keeping her grandbaby while her daughter goes to work, she tells me, but she is anxious to go home to Louisiana, soon. She is a small pecan-colored woman with mannish white hair and a slow gait, and every afternoon, ostensibly while the grandbaby is asleep, she walks past my yard to the 7-11 on…Continue
"Lenny, wake up, did you hear?"
"What the hell time is it anyway, and what's all that noise?"
"I'm at the bar, Lenny, and everyone's celebrating!"
"Shit, Mark, you don't…Continue
I am starting a new political party. Its name is The Mulligans.
Its motto is: Throw everyone out and start over.
You can run for office if you like. But you can't currently hold an elected position.
That about covers it.
Once again, the news of the day brings me back to the Book of Leviticus, surely one of the most perplexing texts for modern politicians.
On the one hand, Leviticus calls homosexuality sinful – a prohibition that our elected officials are quick to embrace as their reason for denying equal rights to gays.
On the other hand, Leviticus commands us to treat immigrants with fairness…Continue
Teresa Cortez called Teeny’s hoo-hoo a “dink” in the recess yard after third period Spanish conversation class.
“A dink is a small trash fish! Are you saying my hoo-hoo smells like a fish?” Teeny screamed loud enough for the 6th grade boys to stop pummeling each other and step back.
“Whoa, hey, Teeny, she’s from Sugarland,” I hoarse-whispered at her without…Continue
Although it is nearly midnight, I am not the only one out on my street. To the west, dry sheet lightning flashes; dry thunder booms.
My lanky neighbor holds his garden hose, facing the distant storm, as do I. We listen to its false promises. Then, as if we have come to a mutual agreement, we drop our limp hoses and quietly go indoors. Here, in week four of a drought, cicadas whine for water.
Mother-in-law: I've cut back on smoking.
Her Son: Mother, I want to talk to you about something, since you are on a fixed income.
Her Son: It's time you switched to chewing tobacco. After you chew, you put the wad on a window sill to dry out and the next day, you use it again. Just, you…Continue
"She has the personality of a shit house rat: sorry for itself because of its surroundings (but it doesn't leave), then vicious and biting towards whoever gets close." Marti looks at me over her iced Chai, and I can tell she's very proud of her metaphor.
"So what does that make you, if you continue to hang with her," I ask, "if not her codependent shit house…Continue