Mike Handley's Blog – January 2010 Archive (7)

Search Blog Posts

This, from no woods sissy

Greg initially thought he was looking at a butt-naked black guy, slipping through the woods and gathering berries, until he realized there were no berries that time of year.



Even more improbable, unless it was an NBA player having a really bad hair day: The thing was 7 feet tall and smelled like something between a never-washed jockstrap and rain-soaked roadkill.



Might’ve been a black bear, rare for central Alabama and even more so to be walking completely upright, but its… Continue

Added by Mike Handley on January 31, 2010 at 7:43pm — 4 Comments

Random spewing from an outdoors writer

Guy goes hunting with a pal, climbs a ladder to sit atop a newly erected stand and shoots a buck with a rack that could hold two dozen caps and a couple of coats. It was mid-afternoon, cold as hell; the entire episode lasted maybe half an hour; and I need to stretch this tale into 1,000 words.



This is my life (really).



So I press for details, sucking them up like a 48-year-old Hoover upright, unwilling to blush at the strange questions I’m forced to ask.

And then the… Continue

Added by Mike Handley on January 29, 2010 at 10:55pm — 3 Comments

Joyless Ride

Doing “it” didn’t quite work out as planned, but I left that part out when I told my giggling girlfriends I was late. That sure shut them up, but not for long.



Darla told her mom I was pregnant. Next thing ya know, I’m sitting here -- hellbound at 14 -- in front of a smiling preacher with icky hair who knows I touched a boy’s winky.



If I’d only known that playing with Barbies a few more years would spare me the shame of growing up, I’d have paid more attention to Malibu… Continue

Added by Mike Handley on January 16, 2010 at 4:30pm — 6 Comments

Red Denim (No. 4)

“I coulda handled him,” Jack slur-scowled at an unlistening Harry, who was gesturing to the new barmaid making cartoon eyes at the blood-soaked stranger on the floor.



“She’s on her damn cell all the time, squawking away like the rest of us are deaf,” Harry complained. “Course now, when I need her to call the PO-lice, her French nails can’t find 9-1-1.”



“If I didn’t know better, I’d take that as sexist, you old coot,” Nancy, a freshly lit Winston dangling from her lips,… Continue

Added by Mike Handley on January 13, 2010 at 11:30pm — 11 Comments

Three Strikes (No. 3)

Harry the bartender instinctively cleared the half-dead bottles from the oak slab countertop before grasping the Louisville Slugger from between sink and cooler, a fluid motion he’d perfected since the Blue Owl opened a decade earlier. The man seemed to have four hands.



As if to gauge her man’s rising blood pressure, Nancy’s grip tightened around Jack’s arm while she searched his pale eyes for the reading: 170 over 100. “Let go, doll,” he warned.



Blue Jeans’ third mistake… Continue

Added by Mike Handley on January 10, 2010 at 1:07pm — 2 Comments

Death Wish (No. 2)

In the old days, a barfly favorite such as Lloyd Price’s “Stagger Lee” would bear the cellophane crackle of rode-hard vinyl. But the digital version piped into the oversized speakers from the owner’s iPod was damn near flawless.



Just about the time Stagger Lee “pulled his .44,” Nancy slid in between Jack and Blue Jeans, put her arm around Jack’s neck and whispered, “Sugar, I do believe they’re playing our song.”



A little twisting, turning and stutter-stepping --… Continue

Added by Mike Handley on January 2, 2010 at 1:30pm — 4 Comments

Is This Seat Taken? (No. 1)

Jack Wyman had a cubic zirconia stare that could make a rattlesnake blink, and his bite was far worse than his formidable bark.



“The fuck you want?” he growled, lowering the half-empty longneck just enough to spit out the message and glower. His left hand instinctively balled into a fist -- dirty nails biting into palm -- under the bar’s brass handrail.



The stranger, in faded denim from collar to boot cuff, a real L.L. Bean type, had done nothing more than take the seat… Continue

Added by Mike Handley on January 1, 2010 at 12:00am — 6 Comments

Latest Blog Posts

Most Popular Blog Posts

Blog Topics by Tags

Monthly Archives

2013

2012

2011

2010

© 2013   Created by Robert McEvily.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service