Rachel Winter's Blog

The Rush of the Fall

I'm standing at the precipice of inevitable heartache.

I can't stop myself from taking the plunge, even with the knowledge that this will leave me shattered.

Our heartaches create us.

We love and we live and we hurt and we're burned and we learn and we go on to love again.

I am who I am for the people I've loved, whether they've loved me back or not.

Bring on the rush of the fall, my landing will not be soft but the landing is not why we jump.

Added by Rachel Winter on April 20, 2011 at 10:22pm — 5 Comments

Exhibits A, B and C

Exhibit A:

Here is the man who loved the idea of me

The man who didn't realize I have flaws

The one that forgot my humanity

He is the one who was wounded by my claws

Exhibit B:

Here is the…

Continue

Added by Rachel Winter on January 18, 2011 at 10:00pm — 2 Comments

When I think about you, all I can think about is how I shouldn't feel this strong about you. When I'm wrapped up in your arms, all I can think about is how I never want to leave. You've got me heart and soul, begging on my knees; but you don't need me like I need you.You've weaved a spell over me, you've got me hooked and I'm finding it hard to let go. If you don't want me baby, please release me. If you can't love me back, undo this voodoo.

Added by Rachel Winter on June 27, 2010 at 11:46pm — 5 Comments

Leave Me in the Dark

Why'd you have to tell me?

I didn't want to know, you could have left me in ignorant bliss and I would have been fine.
Instead, I have to nod and smile and pretend I'm alright; when inside, I'm screaming.
And tonight, when I'm lying in bed I'll play it in my head over and over again.
Yeah, I'll probably cry and wail about it.
So next time could you keep it to yourself and just leave me in the dark?

Added by Rachel Winter on June 21, 2010 at 11:52pm — 8 Comments

Gay, Taken, Uninterested

All the good men are gay or taken or uninterested.
With any luck, they classify as all three.
I'm young and I'm losing hope that I'll find what I'm looking for.
The man I want, the one I'm searching for is a mythological creature.
I'm convinced he doesn't exist.
If he does, then he's probably gay or taken or uninterested, with my luck he's all three.

Added by Rachel Winter on May 14, 2010 at 1:06am — 8 Comments

Mad

Angry and hating.
Pissed off and seeking vengeance.
Simmering obscenities just beneath the surface.
Choking on the guttural screams caught in my throat.
Hot bubbling rage threatens to spill over in my chest.
Crimson tinted sight blurs the difference between those who incensed my fury and those who are unlucky enough to get in my way.

Added by Rachel Winter on April 30, 2010 at 1:41am — 4 Comments

Too much

I tend to be too much for people.
I have too much intensity.
I hand out too much information.
I share too much, too soon.
I shower too much attention.
Somehow, no matter how hard I try, I am never enough.

Added by Rachel Winter on March 6, 2010 at 1:00am — 5 Comments

Pleasure, Instinct, Us

Losing worry
Losing stress
Finding pleasure

Losing pride and dignity
Losing inhibitions
Finding instinct

Losing me and you
Losing individual
Finding us

Added by Rachel Winter on February 15, 2010 at 1:31am — 1 Comment

Strength in Numbers

I've banished loneliness
No more self-imposed solitary confinement
It's time to lose self and find the collective
Surrounding myself with sweet communion
Forgetting the sense of solitude
To rediscover a sense of belonging
Together we'll fight my demons with strength in numbers
I'm not strong enough to do it alone anymore

Added by Rachel Winter on February 15, 2010 at 1:30am — 5 Comments

The Siren Call of Midnight Streets

"I'm at home and at ease on a track I know not, and restless and lost on a road that I know"-Henry Lawson

On occasion, I get this ache in me, this feeling of restlessness while driving in the middle of the night on the empty streets.

I get this irresistible urge to just leave; go where no one knows me, no one controls me and no one can stop me. I would create a new person, become who I really want to be, no more bullshit, no more faking it for the masses who tell me how… Continue

Added by Rachel Winter on December 31, 2009 at 2:00am — 2 Comments

Goodbye Love

I could see your affections were waning, could feel it in my gut.
I confronted you and my worst fears were confirmed.
Bye-bye my love, good luck with everything.
You don't want me, but I still want you.
The ache in my heart won't go away.
Everything reminds me of you.

Added by Rachel Winter on December 29, 2009 at 7:03am — 2 Comments

Footprints in the Snow

Fresh snow is beautiful and pure, but this overwhelmingly blank whiteness depresses.
Happiness is when black overcomes white.
Giving my pen freedom to roam.
To leave my footprints on this white scape.
I ache to mar this perfection with black words.
Staining paper with inky expression.

Added by Rachel Winter on December 16, 2009 at 1:17pm — No Comments

Dreams of Living Summer in the Dead of Winter

I wish for the wanton summer.
Where the heat is almost sinful.
Where young lovers unite in the cooling twilight.
Where anything seems possible.
Where 'carpe diem' is everyone's way of life.
Where oppressive winter is long forgotten.

Added by Rachel Winter on December 15, 2009 at 4:12am — No Comments

Perched

I had wings but they were clipped before I got the chance to fly.

I was going to try my hardest to stay airborne but I was grounded before I even lifted off.

Now I'm stuck here in this crowded cage biding my time until the feathers grow back.

Never felt the need to flap my wings and leave this cage in my wake until I wasn't allowed to.

Instead, I'm watching from my perch while all of the other birdies flutter around.

I'll dream of wings and whistling wind and the clouds… Continue

Added by Rachel Winter on September 21, 2009 at 12:30am — No Comments

Beauty Doesn't Equal Truth

Have I been led astray by those with a honey tongue? They spouted such sweet, flowing beauty I couldn't help but soak it up. It never crossed my mind to be wary when their beautifully turned propositions echoed in my welcome ears. I couldn't resist giving them anything they wanted when they proffered their eloquent pleas. They sucked me in with false promises and faked beauty, chewed me up with the hideous teeth and foul breath they hid so carefully. They spit me out, used and abused with a… Continue

Added by Rachel Winter on July 23, 2009 at 11:56pm — No Comments

An Insomniac's Ponderings on Insomnia

Gravity's been pushing down all day long. It's time to put this aching body to bed. Eyes are heavy with the sleep that awaits on the inside of the lids. However, the mind is still whirring with every thought of past, present and future. Slowly being consumed by an overactive brain, sucking all hopes of being able to function in the morning. Lie back and watch the minutes wander past, sweet relief isn't coming tonight.

Added by Rachel Winter on July 23, 2009 at 11:51pm — 3 Comments

Laundry Soap for the Soul

We were once immaculate and pure. We were once unstained by reality's unforgiving dye. That all changed though when we came into ourselves; where there once was beautiful perfection there is now unsightly imperfection. No bleach can wash these glaring advertisements of our every sin out. We try to pretend they aren't there but nobody's buying it, try to pretend a false apology will wipe everything clean again but we all know the truth; our imperfections are here to stay. Our only hope is to… Continue

Added by Rachel Winter on July 2, 2009 at 12:09am — 3 Comments

You Know It's A Good Book When...

You're thumbing through the pages for the seventh time.
After the eighth time, the binding is worn and broken.
The corners are crinkled from marking your place while reading for the ninth time.
You could probably recite every word from memory during the tenth time.
You know what will happen even before you open it for the eleventh time.
You still can't put it down for the twelfth time.

Added by Rachel Winter on July 2, 2009 at 12:00am — 2 Comments

The Battle Between The Surface and The Depth

Maybe the things we think are funny, aren't; maybe the things we think are good, aren't; maybe the things we think are bad, aren't: who the hell cares because at least we've formulated our own opinion.

We used to force ourselves to conform to your ephemeral tastes but now we're stepping out of the blind masses to set ourselves apart without a second thought for the loss of a herd.

You surface level people, well you don't get us, but we don't believe how someone could be so… Continue

Added by Rachel Winter on June 30, 2009 at 11:30pm — No Comments

Peace

Calming my racing heart.
Silencing my frantic mind.
Expanding and Contracting.
Breathing in and Breathing out.
Releasing my claim to this place.
Reaching the state where I can just exist.

Added by Rachel Winter on June 30, 2009 at 10:32pm — 3 Comments

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