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Brad Rose's Blog – February 2009 Archive (10)

Poodle Steaks?

I'm telling you, I just couldn’t understand why Stanley didn’t contract scurvy? Stanley, Lola’s irksome, jet black, French miniature poodle, who thought himself to be Napoleon Bonaparte, the leader of a European empire, would never eat fruit; no peaches, apples, nectarines, kiwis, bananas, oranges, or tomatoes-- the latter are technically classified by science as a fruit, by the way. Eighteenth century pirates didn’t eat fruit either, not while on the high seas, and as a result, they contracted… Continue

Added by Brad Rose on February 28, 2009 at 3:00pm — 2 Comments

Zombie Day

After my breakfast of cold spaghetti leftovers and two glasses of chocolate milk, I lounged about the house again, wearing my usual outfit, striped boxer shorts and unseasonably warm wool socks. Around noon, just after I returned from the back yard, where I had watered the red dirt and looked for signs of any remaining plant life, I noticed that my socks didn’t match; one blue, one gray. That really pissed me off---I hate it when matching socks, don’t match. Otherwise, the day went pretty well,… Continue

Added by Brad Rose on February 28, 2009 at 9:55am — 2 Comments

Till the Day I Die (Caution: Strong Language)

The affair had lasted about two years. His wife, Alice, would not have otherwise discovered her husband’s indiscretion with the young, not particularly attractive, 20-something girl who worked in the produce department at the local Safeway, but then, three days before Alice died of breast cancer—the tubes running in and out of her seemingly spirit-abandoned body---Bob confessed.

Sobbing uncontrollably, his face buried in the sheets of his wife’s hospital bed, Bob begged for Alice’s… Continue

Added by Brad Rose on February 27, 2009 at 8:00am — 6 Comments

The Philosophy of Love, Revised

William woke up from a fitful sleep, thinking, or at least groggily, half-thinking, to himself, that his philosophy of love had been all wrong.

For many, many years, indeed as long as he had been in love with his wife, he had thought that love was a palpable, demonstrable, necessarily expressed thing; it wasn’t real unless it was demonstrated and made tangible.

Then, yesterday morning, which was only day-17 since his wife had left him for another man—and not just any other… Continue

Added by Brad Rose on February 25, 2009 at 8:30am — 6 Comments

One-sixth Wizard, Part 2

"On the other hand," thought the Wizard, displaying his renowned wisdom, "I don't much care for heights. I'd better take the train."

Added by Brad Rose on February 23, 2009 at 2:16pm — 2 Comments

One-sixth Wizard, Part 1

The Wizard, tired of endless parades and green, children-sized adults, looked beyond his exalted place in the Emerald City and wondered, "What could possibly go wrong with a hot air balloon?"

Added by Brad Rose on February 23, 2009 at 12:30pm — 2 Comments

Poet of the Land?

After 11 years of trying to make their relationship work, Bob, fed-up, left his wife because, over the years, she had cheated on him with every man (and a few women) that lived within 20 miles of their ramshackle little Iowa farm, where almost nothing grew with any success, least of all, the corn that Jean had promised him would one day make them a fortune and enable Bob to retire to do the one thing he loved most in the world: write pastoral poetry.

Years ago, Jean had managed to… Continue

Added by Brad Rose on February 22, 2009 at 1:41pm — 8 Comments

Hypochondriac's Class Reunion

Ted had diligently avoided thinking about his up-coming, 30-year high school class reunion, as if he feared that merely considering attending it, would expose him to the plague. Invitations arrived at his tiny apartment’s mail box, every few months for what seemed to him like years. He immediately threw them away, chucked them into the trash, like they were postcards from a leper colony, the stamps personally licked by the most monstrous of inmates. When Paula, his long-lost, ex-girlfriend from… Continue

Added by Brad Rose on February 21, 2009 at 3:30pm — 2 Comments

Surveying the Dead

-Were you satisfied with your experience?

-Did you learn anything new?

-How strongly do you agree/disagree with: “Death is not that big a deal.”

-Do angels hum?

-Is the air conditioning adequate?

-Can you earn extra-credit?

-What’s the most important thing about death?

-Is everything true or false?

-Do you ever get lost?

-Does the ceiling need to be painted?

-When you sleep, do you dream?

-Are there “opportunity costs” to being… Continue

Added by Brad Rose on February 19, 2009 at 9:43pm — 7 Comments

Through Barstow

Karen had been driving, with the heater turned way up, nearly all night. She’d forgotten how cold the desert can be at this time of year. The warmed scent of Yucca, Saguaro, and Sage pushed in through the Toyota’s dashboard vents. In the back seat, almost invisible in the car’s tunnel-dark interior, her small suitcase, pile of manila file folders, and tiny black PDA, were slumped over in a mound, like an unconscious body. Whenever she exited like this, which was only when she really needed to,… Continue

Added by Brad Rose on February 17, 2009 at 6:45pm — 3 Comments