I must not start to think that one stage in my life was more beautiful than the other. I prefer to think that the one I'm in will turn out to be the best one and that this is the one that I will in the end be lyrical and poetic about, but in a sober minded way. The way a Dutch person can be lyrical in a stark and barren way that does not show too much emotion lest he makes a fool of himself. There's to be not too much passion, because we are Calvinistic people, after all, even if some of us are… Continue
Added by Irene Sieders on January 14, 2011 at 10:30pm —
I always feel that whatever I write here has to be very inspirational. That I can't just write about run of the mill matters here and ordinary things that occur in my day to day life. God only knows where I got such an idea. It's not as if these sentences are loftier than my other sentences, so I shouldn't treat them that way or try to write that way, otherwise I may get intimidated and develop writer's block and that won't do at all. I need to take these writings down a notch or two and… Continue
Added by Irene Sieders on January 14, 2011 at 6:54pm —
He told me that his wife had left him and had run off with the milkman.
I found this pretty incredulous, because it sounded like part of an old joke that had been around forever and where do you find a milkman delivering milk door to door anymore?
He said it had happened in the early seventies and that as a result of it, he had stopped using all dairy products and only took artificial creamer in his coffee and never had whipped cream or ice cream with his piece of pie… Continue
Added by Irene Sieders on November 13, 2009 at 11:51am —
The moon throws a thin light into our homesick house and winter starlight pulls vague shadows over the sun dried sheets, pale reflections of me; crisp lies the moonlight on my pillow.
The dim night beckons, expectant with its bloated moon, but I scorn it and have no will but to lie here, ignoring a string a love struck lights that tremble in the distance.
I heed instead the mindless creatures that scurry over the forest floor; hurrying through their dreamless nights,… Continue
Added by Irene Sieders on October 31, 2009 at 3:09pm —
Confused, I run into the light, but when I get there, it is dark and in the air hangs a denial of anyone ever having been there.
I smash myself against the gray walls of your soul.
Your eyes are forbidding and cold and reflect no hope for me.
A scream builds up inside my belly and is doomed to reverberate inside me forever.
My soul lies in my hands, cradled in my fingers and I hold it up to the light.
It trembles from its violent… Continue
Added by Irene Sieders on October 29, 2009 at 7:53am —
In the tight blue summer air a very solitary small white cloud floated as if it was linked to the hands of a child with a thin invisible string.
I lay on my back in the cool grass in the shade of the apple tree in my white with blue dotted summer dress and thought about the things which had brought my common sense in an uproar.
Behind the barbed wire, at the end of the orchard, the Frisian cows grazed steadily in the pasture.
They grazed with their heads all in… Continue
Added by Irene Sieders on October 27, 2009 at 1:47pm —
Listen, sometimes there are no angels and the feathered wings that fold around your head and shield your eyes forsake us daily.
We tilt and balance on the balls of our feet, while we are naked and humanity's breath turns us mostly to the east.
Then we face the people who have gathered there and is that line of misery that defines the horizon, that sad chorus of shadows mumbling its endless, humble prayers.
Added by Irene Sieders on October 26, 2009 at 2:54pm —
There was an aching feeling in his stomach as she slipped her wet lips around his battered, dented pencil.
She hummed while she chewed it absentmindedly and muttered soft, incoherent words.
When she tightened her jaw, beads of sweat appeared on both their foreheads, and as she bit down, she thought, "I have his pencil between a rock and a hard place, pity the fiend when the two shall meet; it will be a hot day in… Continue
Added by Irene Sieders on October 26, 2009 at 2:30pm —
All day long she thought of suicide as the solution to get her out of her awkward situation, although it seemed an extreme measure and she didn't have enough pills in the house to make a successful effort.
She knew she was too cowardly to try another, maybe more fortuitous method and tried to think of other ways to express her grief at her inability to convey her thoughts in a literary fashion any longer.
She felt trapped between the devil and the deep blue sea, and the… Continue
Added by Irene Sieders on October 26, 2009 at 12:00am —
Jesker's appetite has completely returned after having been sick, and he lets me know in no uncertain terms when he is hungry.
He puts on quite a professional act and you would think he was as hungry as starving children in Africa and that I never gave him any food at all.
He does not rest until I have gotten up from behind the computer and fed him, but after that he is as stupefied as a stuffed bird and goes straight to sleep.
He sleeps deeply until he decides… Continue
Added by Irene Sieders on October 15, 2009 at 7:00am —
The moment blogging was invented was a great moment for people like me who like to ramble on about nothing in particular at all and about everything under the sun in general.
There is no subject that I will not discuss, but the subjects that I do discuss are always those that are closest to my heart, without giving away too much of myself and disclosing everything I am about and my deepest, darkest secrets.
I pick and choose through the skeletons in my closet and choose… Continue
Added by Irene Sieders on September 20, 2009 at 3:24pm —
He had the somewhat irritating habit to involve himself deeply into the problems of other people, even if they were strangers to him that he had just met somewhere randomly. in a bar or on a street corner.
Forlorn, lost people with complicated, unsolvable problems seemed to gravitate towards him and stick to him as if her were a magnet and they were many pins and needles.
Somehow, with his big bulky body and his calm and dignified facade, he gave them the feeling that they… Continue
Added by Irene Sieders on September 20, 2009 at 1:14am —
My true love came to me on an airplane, traveling many hours and many miles into the wrong direction of the rising sun, which would give him jet lag along with his heart's desire.
When he walked into my arms in that terminal, I thought the end of an era had come and the beginning of a new one had started and I trembled inside like a solitary leaf on a wind shook tree in Autumn.
We drove home in the long dark night in my two seater car and his hand rested on my thigh and I… Continue
Added by Irene Sieders on September 18, 2009 at 6:00pm —
"I can do better," she thought, and she punched the keyboard a little bit harder with her four typing fingers, anything to get out a good story in six sentences.
She didn't wait for inspiration to hit her, or a brilliant idea for a plot, or a funny punchline, she just wanted to put down the best possible words and have them make sense somehow.
When she got stuck anyway, she looked out her window and saw the dull, gray Sunday that it was and she knew that she would find no… Continue
Added by Irene Sieders on September 13, 2009 at 8:50am —
I know I have outspoken opinions on everything, it's the black and white thinker in me. I don't have enough gray areas, though I know that's a pitfall in me and I have to watch that. I have a tendency to judge things harshly and to very easily think I'm right when maybe I'm not. I'm not easily swayed by the opinions of other people once I make up my mind about something. You need to come with very strong arguments to get me to change my mind, but logic works very well. If you can logically… Continue
Added by Irene Sieders on September 12, 2009 at 7:08am —
We saw two bridal couples outside the ancient basilica and both the brides were dressed in ivory colored dresses with bouquets of red roses. The church bells rang especially for them. It was quite festive and we think it was a double wedding. Love was in the air and everybody was happy. It was very sweet to see and made you long to be that young again and have a wedding of your own (but, of course, have the wisdom that you have now). If only you could trust those grooms!
Added by Irene Sieders on September 12, 2009 at 6:30am —
We carry the results of many experiences and disappointments inside of us and we always speak of those as internal scars, but I like to think of them as wounds that haven't healed. We need to do a lot of caring and loving deeds in order to heal them, but the problem is that we are often unable to be caring and loving to ourselves, while we are the ones who need it the most. We need to be taught how to do that and to learn that we are not responsible for the existence of the wounds. For that we… Continue
Added by Irene Sieders on September 11, 2009 at 1:08am —
I keep trying to see the positive sides of whatever sort of events take place in my life, no matter how insignificant and instead of only living in the moment, I'm trying to look ahead a little bit and project myself into the near future. This is not something I have been doing, as I've only lived from one day to the next and have hardly given tomorrow a thought, let alone the days after that. I'm starting to think about next week now and maybe even the week after that, although this is still… Continue
Added by Irene Sieders on September 11, 2009 at 1:00am —
So, everything comes full circle. We end up at the beginning when a human being is a single solitary inwardly turned creature. Unfathomable to those around her. Unable to communicate, alone with her thoughts, crying in the night, keeping her ego hidden from view. Not wanting to be enfolded by suffocating arms. Being secretive to those who should most understand her.
Added by Irene Sieders on September 11, 2009 at 12:52am —
I am looking forward to my creative class, because I will be working on my second painting again and I am very much in the mood for that. The one thing you can always count on is yourself and your own capacity to give shape to your imagination. It does not depend on anyone else. You can be in your own world with your brushes and paints and your own thoughts and nobody else needs to intrude on that. It's like you're in your own dimension with its own sound and vision and you can tune out what's… Continue
Added by Irene Sieders on September 11, 2009 at 12:48am —