Steve Wayne's Blog – May 2011 Archive (10)

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The German Knows His Women

Deiter joined me at the hotel bar after his little romp upstairs. 

He ordered a Tom Collins on the rocks and, over the next hour or so, he drank two for every Amstel Light that I downed--the company's paying, why not.

He just sat there on the stool, quietly ignoring me, and  I eventually couldn't help myself, “Okay, old buddy, enough suspense—was she better than old what’s-her-name in Berlin—the one with the rings in her…”

There was a small commotion behind Deiter and I…

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Added by Steve Wayne on May 29, 2011 at 4:30am — 7 Comments

Six Bags of Popping Corn For A Sow At The Drive-In

Six little snacks, like homemade popcorn oiling up six brown paper IGA bags, all the chubby little kids in summer PJs on the roofs, buttery hands on car paint.

The squeal inside the oinker's bellies in the dark, Steve McQueen flickering on cheeks.…

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Added by Steve Wayne on May 27, 2011 at 12:30am — 2 Comments

Poker with Faulkner, Hemingway and Salinger on Author Playing Cards

The drink in the heavy leaded crystal goblets is absinthe, and the players are Grey and Steve, and the game is five card stud poker. Jokers wild. The butler keeps the spirits running. The players begin seriously enough, but become frivolous as the drinks take over the game. Then, the stakes are set: the loser walks the Irish wolfhounds for their nightly outdoor shit. Bring a medium kitchen bag for the inside-out hand pickup--wolfhounds don't do anything small.

Added by Steve Wayne on May 25, 2011 at 1:00am — 2 Comments

Six Only Slightly Clever Things To Say to a Man On Steroids, Bicycling.

 

Lance Armstrong’s black market shit is stronger than yours, Weenie man.

 

They want you to pee in a cup, but don’t sweat it: I’ll sell you my clean urine for $500.

 

Stop pedaling so fast, you’ll wear yourself out—not!

 

Man, what’d you do, eat a whole box of Wheaties with a Red Bull chaser today?

 

Looking from the back, when you wear Lycra, your butt looks like a ginormous black onion!

 

Famous locker…

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Added by Steve Wayne on May 23, 2011 at 10:30am — No Comments

Truck Stop Stall Americana: Seated Shakespeares With Sharpies (mature)

Here I sit, on the pooper.

Giving birth to another state trooper.

 

She offered her honor.

He honored her offer.

And all night long, he was…

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Added by Steve Wayne on May 20, 2011 at 5:30am — 3 Comments

Only A Note On The Windshield From A Missing Camper

A flashlight through the midnight dark, held by a hiker a good spell down the mountain, stirs a sleeping camper with alkaline rays cutting the night, a candescent alarm interrupting slumber.

The solo camper on the mountaintop sent no invitations, and no notice of his location, for Van left only a note on his car windshield of his whereabouts, which made the…

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Added by Steve Wayne on May 13, 2011 at 8:00pm — 4 Comments

"Rosebud. Rosebud."

Today, in California at Xanadu, the body of Charles Foster Kane was found by his nurse, dead on the floor at the top of the stairs.  News flash: his final word was "Rosebud".



We turn to Jedediah Leland for more answers.  "I don't know what I can tell you, I mean, old Charlie and I had sort of a falling out, you see, and once he lived… Continue

Added by Steve Wayne on May 9, 2011 at 11:15am — 1 Comment

Phoebe Still Has Pies In Her Eyes

My sister Phoebe still has pies in her eyes when she thinks about life, you know, still thinking there's a Santa Claus and all, even when every phony Santa down at Gimbels lets their fake beard fall off their face--they even smoke Camels in front of the kids, the crazy bastards--and we have to lie to every goddam kid that those are Santa's helpers and the real Santa would never do corny stuff like…

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Added by Steve Wayne on May 6, 2011 at 10:54pm — 10 Comments

And Now What I Really Look Like, Too

If I walk into the dugout at the men's softball game, the guys would high five me and call me "Dude" and say things like, "You da man," and then make me stay after the game and pick up all the bases and bats.



To a young woman snapping bubble gum and painting her fingernails, I'd be the one she asks for the time, and when I tell her, she'd look all hurried and late for something and she'd say, "Hon, be a kitten and grab a cab for me, will ya."



When I'm on the city bus and a… Continue

Added by Steve Wayne on May 3, 2011 at 8:00pm — 8 Comments

Pastoral Winds From A Writer's Green Chair

Leafing redbuds outside an open window, a birdbath with robins spritzing away winter from new feathers, and a writer sits in a green chair at a desk sharing her observations about relationships through pen on cotton paper.



The paper is swept off the desk by a breeze lifting through curtain sheers, and it floats away from her whitewashed clapboards and vegetable gardens, clearing the tops of trees and puffy clouds and across state lines, to readers afar in beds and in hammocks and in… Continue

Added by Steve Wayne on May 1, 2011 at 8:30pm — 1 Comment

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