“Hey Mom, what did you decide to do with your day off from work?”

“You probably don’t really want to know (giggle, giggle).”

 …

I see you there, seeing me see you seeing me see you there.

You can't hide behind your sunglasses and the colored lights forever, and besides, it's dark in here: you'll catch your death of boredom.

Let us away where the glass cannot gash our stepping soles, our soaring souls, our garish roles--smash the fetters of our timeless prisons--fly the holes from which we daily deeper dig ourselves to while away the passing of each singsong hour-by-hour crashclatter catastrophe; for it…

“Do you know what the temperature’s going to be like tomorrow, because I was thinking I should probably wear a skirt to look semi-presentable since it’s going to be a big family function?”

“Think it’s supposed to be warm, probably 90’s, which I assume means you’ll be decked out in something wildly inappropriate…

Writing 2 books in one summer: piece of cake. Dealing with an Alzheimer’s father-in-law, a bi-polar sister, an abused friend, and a snake at my front door: whatever, I can handle it. So I spend quality time scooping shit to help keep my parents’ farm afloat and there’s sporting events, county…

No, no, you non-holiday-celebrating-freaks-of-nature neighbors, we don’t mind that even though you basically have a parking lot that seats 12, you would rather locate your carpet-cleaning/auto parts/chrome detailing multi-purpose flat-tired van directly behind our driveway. Of course, it doesn’t bother us a bit that you are hoping someone will hit your car so you…

Wisdom: Contrary to what you’ve been told, wisdom does not increase with age, but you will have a lot more freedom to pursue the myth of wisdom because you’ll save so much time by being too damn old and tired to chase skirts.…