Damn right I’m jealous!  Wouldn’t try to plead otherwise. 

The fact of the matter is that when I watch you deliberate over the orgasm pink or virgin cheery Louis Vuitton collar for your purse pooch, only to take both, I can hardly keep myself from stabbing you in the side with my hairbrush, pretending to have a gun, and holding…

3:28AM, Dammit! No, I've still got plenty of time, I tell myself overwhelmed with joy as I roll over returning to my dream.

My body is burning, moistened by sweat not only my own, and part of me regrets having to push him away so I can breath, Just a moment, please.

6:17AM, still plenty of time, I sigh with relief as I run my hands across my chest to remove the sweat that's collected before digging further into my pillows to return to the…

My father liked the idea of camping, which was bewildering to me because my parents were not outdoor enthusiasts by any stretch of the imagination. They were hobby-less homebodies, more comfortable camped-out in front of the TV than any raging campfire. The family recreational portrait was absent of wild wilderness scenes: no snapshots of Pa with a leg up on the back of a surprised bull moose surrounded by mugging sons,…

What do you want, ‘cause I can do anything?

Do you need to be uplifted, to be told stories of underdogs overcoming adversity, a homeless man rising the ranks of a large corporation to become CEO, an afflicted young man---afflicted with what, I’ll be generous and let you decide, something that…

“Please keep items away from the art as we don’t want anything damaged or scratched accidentally.”

I had pointed - with a rolled paper flyer - at the Warhol silkscreen hanging at the Virginia Museum of Fine Art, a one-color triple print of Elvis pointing pistols at our heads. I had been enthusiastically indicating to my two friends…

Picture me basking on a raft in a dreamy, mirror-like, pristine pool preferably in a size 8 tan body and white bikini (a girl might as well go for the gusto) dictating brilliant, humorous, Erma Bombeck-Jen-Lancaster-Hallmark-Maxine-esque words into my microphone-activated, waterproofed computer held stealthily by my very muscular, attractive, cabana-boy husband. …

“Listen, from what I can see, you appear to be a great guy, so great I kinda think you’re too good for me, and I don’t want you to do this to yourself as I can’t be responsible for acquiring, or ruining, the last decent single man on the planet.”

 …

Prompt #1:  Muddy Me

List six not-so-great, or secret, or embarrassing things that you or one of your characters want a potential new significant other to know before going any further into the relationship.  Ex:  I have quit shaving under my arms or I hate for someone's feet to touch me or cut flower arrangements make me sad.  Be creative because this prompt could be fiction.

Sweetness, there's a few things you have to realize about me that…

Walter chose to use his chair today because: he felt it would make the other guests less uncomfortable than if he hobbled around using his strutter crutches, it wouldn't damage his tux, and he would be more independent while he grabbed all he could eat from the buffet without anyone's assistance.

He appears absent-minded to those who dare take a glance at the cripple but he is absolutely focused, watching Vivian as she pretends to be enjoying herself with each of the men inviting her…

Dear Winston,

I’m considering buying my teenage grandson a cell phone. He has never asked for one but I think he deserves it. He’s such a nice young man. He is very quiet and lives in my daughter’s basement. What do you think?

Grandma Bess…

Dear Pastor Windsor,

Am I going to Heaven?

Mary Frances (age 99) Fingersville Elderly Care Assisted Living, Nevada, USA

 …

(note: this may have appeared here before)

Dear Winston,

Next week I’m attending my best friend Shelley’s baby shower!!! We are SOOOOOOO excited!!! We don’t know if it’s going to be a boy or girl! Neither do they. Any gift…

The first thing he noticed was that every wall throughout the entire house was white and bare without pictures, portraits, plants or even a dreamcatcher to give the space ambiance, also nothing ethnic that would say to a total stranger that an educated black woman lives here.

Returning to the living room where she's waiting with a mug of hot chocolate and a plate of mini-marshmallows he declines the beverage moving past her as he continues to access this woman he had thought until now…

For the sixth day in a row the apartment complex is down to one elevator so while I wait for it to reach the lobby ~ it seems to have been stuck at 2 for over a minute ~ I try to keep my calm because if this crippled mofo don't shut up I'm going to knock him out of his wheelchair.

Apparently, I'm not the only one who feels this way because near the door to the game room is this 6'2" muscular African-American Adonis who is lightly shifting on the balls of his feet as he focuses upwards…

I don't know who sent him to me but if the stories of the Mogwai are true, Lord help us all.

I'm just not use to keeping my snacks locked away, Deborah and I stay up into the early hours of the morning writing and watching movies until we pass out, and it never occurred to me he'd hide the food…

After he asks my name, from the way he's looking at me, I prepare myself for what I already know is coming having  heard it so many times before, "You single or married?"



My neighbor told me years back, when I first moved into my apartment complex and was asked the question for the very first time, that men will ask this question first because they…

The game's on, my nephew and I are watching, and the booth announcers tell us this game is sponsored by a pizza company, Southwest Airlines, and Viagra.

'WTF," I think, "Viagra!?' and I blow my whistle and scream, "TECHNICAL FOUL!" 

Wouldn't the NCAA consider that as a performance-enhancing drug? 

How stupid is CBS' to accept a sponsor whose product may reduce viewership numbers (duh-OH…

Franz woke up one morning to discover he had transformed into a gay man.

There was nothing different about his appearance or the way he walked or the way he talked, just an innate certainty that he was no longer sexually and emotionally attracted to women, but to men.…

I’m back as a Tillamook Valley (Oregon) dairy cow that grazes on grasses so sweet that my milk produces the best cheese and other dairy products in the U.S.A. despite the claims of those udder bitches in the frozen milkcicled Wisconsin waste lands who think they’re ‘all that’ but aren’t.  

I get regular mani-pedis and baths, a special doctor who makes barn calls, am served the best food any four-stomached girl could ever want,…

Jep, Jase, Willie, even Si make me giggle loudly like a three-year-old in church that doesn’t know any better.  Sadly though, I don’t walk away after a half hour with my boys marinating in the warmth of redneck laughter. 

Instead, my brain travels off…