"Give us the key," the new manager orders and overwhelmed with delight I rush to my black messenger bag and retrieve my keys struggling to take the one which locks the store off the ring.

The manager whose worked with me nearly three years asks, "Did you just decide to stop wanting to lock down the store because _____ is now the office supervisor," - a discovery I made over a week ago.

The child-like pleasure that covered my face faded, "I've felt that way since I first got the…

I admit to being a walking contradiction because while I refuse to watch the news for all the atrocities - whether a single rape or successfully executed genocide - you hear about daily, I turn around and read books on serial killers and atrocities that happened long ago: the 1994 genocide of over 500,000 Rwandans by their own people in the course of approximately 100 days, the Holocaust taking 6,000,000+ lives over the course of several years, 9/11 killing 2,977 people without any sort of…

It was three years ago today I got out of the hospital after about a week's observation to find out while my health was curable my life was over.

We'd been friends seven years before she called out of the blue saying she wanted to move back to North Carolina and live with me, if I were willing, because she knew it was something I'd wanted since we first met back in college.

A week in the hospital and she only came long enough for me to sign a check to pay the light bill even…

When I think of my mother it's a foggy out-of-focus monochromatic so I don't know the color of her skin, eyes, or hair and I can't tell what she is wearing but I can see an outline of a warm hand stroking the bangs on my five-year-old scalp telling me to try to take a nap.

It's the same with all of her images, monochrome negative outlines - black everything with just a thin white strip…

I'm ten years old and can't tell you the ratio of black to white any more than boy to girl without having to dissect my class ~ each seat in each row ~ because to me it's not race or gender just a class of people who hate me because I finish the assignments with straight A's faster than anyone else and am candidate for The Academically Gifted Program which means two days a week I will be among people 'at my level'.

Daddy pours the books out of my book bag studying them before…

With 28~32 minutes of my long journey left I took a break at the bus depot, bit of a mistake since the rest caused everything from my lower back to the soles of my feet to ache, and am approached by an older man who apparently knows me from my apartment complex although I have no recollection of him. 

The man asks me why I'm alone in this part of town at night and the question causes my throat to constrict, eyes to tear, as I manage to relay to him that it's my goal to finish this…

August 31st at 5:27PM: “Hey Mommy!” He is whispering, prompting the babies: Say, “We love you! We miss you! And we’re doing okay! We made it through the storm.” The babies take over saying ‘okay’ - cause it’s a funny word – giggling, blowing kisses, saying goodbye, and then Xavier is heard over everyone saying in his distinctive Teletubbie voice, “I love you Mommy,” before the line dies.

September 6th at 8:59PM: I hear the babies in the background as he says he loves me and…

Wednesday night at the end of the sales day I came up thirteen dollars over and thanks to God I, for once, was able to recall how it could have possibly happened: a customer bought a plastic tub at 1.99 and four records for a dollar each and after giving me the twenty, after having waited for me to hit the AT/TL button opening the register he asked why he didn't get the discount and after prepping the form I have to fill out for an external void he said never mind and left never taking his…

After the last onslaught in an elementary school hundreds of miles away, whose name was unknown even to those who drove past it on the highway, I decided we would home-school. Jericho hated it but Lily loved getting to stay home longer with mommy. What makes them feel they have to bring someone along for the ride? I woke from a coma after several days. It was a distant neighbor who knew we'd be there. In my husband's eyes I'm the villain because I kept them at home.

Her heart shouts tachycardia while the rest of her body stiffens as her mind registers that Simon has just leaned towards her, resting his cheek on her left shoulder ever so lightly. Would putting my arm around him be too personal?

Instead, she reaches out for The Rodgers & Hammerstein DVD Collection, available used for $10, and flashes it in front of his eyes causing him to spring forward, his body emanating the energetic jubilation like that of a small child getting his…

He left her for her because he realized that unlike her she was a friend who would love him, care for him, and give back all he gave.

"I noticed that fiver you dropped in my cup holder last night," he stated matter-of-factually as she was about to leave his car. 

She gave a coy smile, having been determined to give him gas money, and was about to close the door when he added, "Tomorrow we'll go out for a real adventure - Ed McKay in…

"I didn't say I was a reporter, I said I worked for newspapers. You know how every time there's a war, or a natural disaster, or a major terrorist attack, reporters -- action junkies that they are -- come out of the woodwork. And I mean real reporters, here, journalists, not that daily news bullshit. Sometimes, when journalists put themselves in risky situations, surprise surprise, they end up in danger. I get them out. And I'm well-paid for my services."

Kicking her feet merrily against the counter cabinets Claire beats the eggs until they're ready then hands them over to Man of Honor who scrambles it until they're nice and fluffy, adds the microwaved rice along with a pinch of pepper for flavor, then pools it all together in a bowl big enough to feed an army, "You sure she's going to like this?"

Claire launches off the counter and heads for the table where she's prepared the tray complete with a dandelion-filled vase, which she had…

Ponyboy'd found the perfect stop, one that looked just like in the movie - an abandoned stone church in the middle of nowhere - and in it's center we buried the ashes of the man, Mr. Antoine Sage, who brought us all together one dreary primary school day in February. 



We were all tough and didn't want to read some whack ass book by S. E. Hinton so we decided to boycott coming to class the next morning illiterate and unaware of the hours we wasted jumping ramps, catching…

“[…] and she’s got a restraining order now so I can’t visit, can’t even call Claire and let her know it’ll be okay,” Tante blows her nose into the napkin Man of Honor offered before he began to prepare their coffee.

He feels the tear slide into the corner of his mouth and licks it away, taking a moment to collect himself before returning to the table, to Tante’s side, coffee in hand, “And there’s nothing you can do?”

While she explains how Social Services won’t…

Sometimes I don't get commentary on my 6S's which is understandable because I don't comment on everyone's either but one day I wrote a very good one, so I thought, and after a day without review decided to show it to someone outside the circuit and after several minutes my friend - Name Excluded For Security - wrote back:

NEFS 18:09: LMAO, I use to write like that.…

How do you fall back to sleep when waiting for you is the vision of holding your murdered infant son - crushed cranium, broken neck – still small enough to fit in the palm of my hand, “Michael? Michael, Michael, Mi-, please Michael, please God please, pl-” his sparkling chocolate-colored eyes open, make contact with my tears, and just as I smile, thanking God for this miracle, his eyes close and I feel his life slip away.

Last night my dreams were filled with phallic symbolism…

Claire is the epitome of what a five-year-old should be - curious yet courteous, tractable and truthful, relaxed and at ease -  whenever her Tante comes to visit.

Exhausted, Father sits on his worn battle-ridden brown leather recliner allowing himself to imagine being the master of this perfect make-shift family, as he watches Tante lay prostrate on the sofa with Claire on top of her - purring like a kitten while her Tante strokes her back - as they watch 'Eight Below', laughing and…

He couldn't understand why she chose him, a handicapped store clerk without the possibility of advancement, over all the men who offered her their hearts and wallets so, to keep her happy, he offered an open relationship, later open marriage, and for three years he lived a life of tortured bliss.

Some nights he'd go bowling, see a movie, or sit on a bar stool - always alone - so she didn't have to feel guilty when she went out with doctors, lawyers, accountants, artists, musicians,…

They told me to keep a journal to remember myself as I continue to forget everything else.

Most of the time I just transfer messages from Facebook because they were important enough to say at that point in my life.

Today a took a minute to skim the last sixteen years and came to a pitiful conclusion.

My life is a dime novel.

I can't get past page 2.

I want my money back.

~

Have I been gaslighted? These entries are in…