All Blog Posts Tagged 'JoesHumor' (24)

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My Parody

Zip-pit-y do blogs.
Zip-pit-y scrawl.
In my jammies, I purge my muse’s all
Plenty of coffee!
Marlboros, too.
In predawn hours, it’s what I do!

Added by Joe Gensle on August 26, 2011 at 11:32am — 1 Comment

Fired-Up, Fired and Backfired

Marvin Skertnick was never late for work, stayed late when asked, and always went about his clerical and janitorial duties with diligence and care, carrying one of those simpleton-like personalities that--for his coworker-superiors--translated into "bo-RING.'

The door to the small realty's breakroom was painfully close to his desk, painful for the snippets of comments and snickers he often overheard the broker and eleven realtors making about his 'bumbling home-body…

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Added by Joe Gensle on August 25, 2011 at 7:30am — No Comments

Actions Do Speak Louder

Still in his business suit, Phil nursed a scotch at the small cafe table as Carly breezed in, announcing, "We need to talk!"



She emerged from the bedroom in sweat pants and a tee-shirt, and plopped into the chair opposing him.



"Finances... errands... chores... work.... Look, we're just not having any fun in our marriage any more, Phil, and I know I own half that… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on November 3, 2010 at 10:00am — No Comments

Ronnie Ray's Mama Just Ain't the Forgivin' Kind

“HEY LURLEEN, disspondent’s a word , right, like to say what Ronnie Ray’s goin’ through since his hog’s been stole and now this, right?”



(Sorry bout that but I couldn’t imagine the right word cuz it just don’t ever get no better for my 2nd cousin who's just hard luck in a steel case. )



He’s never smoked inside his Mama’s new double-wide which is a big step up from the two of ’em sharing… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on September 27, 2010 at 10:00am — No Comments

Ronnie Ray's Sellin' the Hog

Ronnie Ray told the Nashville feller he’d take the truck and let the buyer ride the Harley Davidson on over to the guy’s bank for the cash, and to sign the papers as the guy’s girlfriend pulled away from the trailer house in her shiny new Mustang.



He got to the bank and, after ten minutes, Ronnie Ray kinda chuckled that he’d have taken the long way, too, and hot-rodded the bike around town a little bit.…



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Added by Joe Gensle on September 26, 2010 at 12:30pm — No Comments

Dick, Jane, Sally & Spot: Where Are [We] Today?

We probably taught your mama or grandparents how to read in the '50s or '60s (pretty important, right?) and then got tossed aside like potato peelings, except that peelings sometimes get the chance to be mulched.



Because we're literary, we don't really move-on but we do live-on and I’m Spot, a pup of the 50s, hoping I'm barking up an empathetic pant-leg with all of this.



I got sick and tired of that little blonde bitch tugging on my ears all the time… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on August 26, 2010 at 8:00am — No Comments

Ronnie Ray's An' My Give 'n Take

My buddies have all gone tessossterstone-wacky or however you spell that hormoan over the 2010 Camaro and paid 70 bucks to rip around town in it for a day. It jumps off the line and throws ya back on the seat when ya stomp it, and it surely gets eyeball, but they agree ya just can't see out the tiny rear window worth a tinker's damn, that it's useless as socks on a rooster.



The V-8 "SS" version, the one with the rally stripes,… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on August 22, 2010 at 9:30am — No Comments

Honing My Skills

When the elderly lady seated at my desk asked why I walked with a cane, I explained how I got hit by a bus when I was 5 years old, how my mother pleaded with the doctor not to amputate my leg, for, she wanted me to have two legs like other little boys and not be ridiculed for a prosthesis or stump.



She left dabbing her eyes, and the next customer who sat down asked why the woman had left my desk with misty eyes and a moist tissue.



I related that she… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on August 19, 2010 at 6:30pm — No Comments

Jeez I Love That Woman

I'm so pissed off I'm seeing red, turning blue in the face, and she's looking over at me from the kitchen, giggling like a pink-cheeked school girl.

She knows I occasionally lose my temper like a tantrum-throwing 5-year…

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Added by Joe Gensle on August 13, 2010 at 6:00am — No Comments

Life's Unwritten Rules

For more than five decades, I've heard about 'the unwritten rules.' Like, in elementary school, "It's kind of an unwritten rule that 7th and 8th graders blobbity-bleep-blope-bladda...."



In college, it was "Even though it's the student radio station, it's kind of an unwritten rule that we nibbidy-nop-blop bloo-biddy-bo...."



Uncle Sam did it to me in the service, "The unwritten rule for… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on August 7, 2010 at 3:00pm — No Comments

3000 Hail Marys

During the separation leading to my divorce, I had worked too hard to slum-it on move-out, busting my ass only to walk away from my $1.8 million retreat in the fashionable Lynn Ranch area of Ventura County, California.



So I guess my apartment was a little lavish, $2700 a month with upstairs and down, but what really sold me on the place was the idyllic view of the greenbelt at patio's edge, and the ocean-lined horizon.



A week into the lease, I came home to a note tied to the… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 27, 2010 at 10:00pm — No Comments

The Sem: Joe-Dad

The 5’6” statue of ‘The Holy Family’ (Joseph, Mary, baby Jesus in Mom’s arms) stood right next to the elevator leading to the 2 upper floors housing seminarians and priest-faculty at St. Thomas Theological Seminary in Denver, and an Italian beauty it was (the statue, not the Otis).



Joseph’s right arm was around Mary’s shoulders, and the left was extended outward with fingers splayed as if in a casual wave to hail a cab.



Fr. Nick Persich was short,… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 19, 2010 at 9:00am — No Comments

Gettin' Lucky

"Whattaya mean, 'Got lucky,' bruh!,' I charmed her, sent flowers, sweet-talked her after sittin' through a 3-kleenex chick-flick.... Hell, I even snuck out with the panties she was wearin' and Mmmmm they smelled sah-weeeet on the way over here!"



"No, dude, got lucky like Toby got a call from the Free Clinic and shit, tellin' him she had the clap, and he hadda go in and get his ass jammed with two shots of penicillin the size of… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 17, 2010 at 9:00am — No Comments

White Slacks

Rena and Keith Kimball's summer luau bash cost 'em 20-grand last year, so I figured the least I could do was to arrive fashionably attired in white slacks tailored perfectly to the break of my navy blue deck shoes, replete with my prized, vintage Tommy Bahama silk Hawaiian for which I impulsively paid $600 at auction.



One of those party conversation snippets that successfully finds your ear without trying found mine, as I overheard Rena--with her back to… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 14, 2010 at 8:00am — No Comments

Pancake Perils

Assembling the ingredients to make a yummy, hot breakfast of pancakes and bacon, I started by cracking two eggs into a bowl, and suspended some shell fragments into the egg-whites, while the bacon quickly sailed into the trash as the zip lock released a cloud of what Porky Pig's road-kill remnants might smell like after two days on the asphalt.



My hand emerged from the cupboard around the neck of the Aunt Jemima syrup bottle… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 9, 2010 at 10:00am — No Comments

Dialed-In

[ phone ringing ]

"Hi, Mr Gensle, this is Kathy Wilson calling on behalf of the Phoenix Firefighters Auxiliary..."

"Ms. Wilson, we have a station 6 blocks down the street and we'll call you if it's smoky or flaming in here!"

[click]…





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Added by Joe Gensle on July 7, 2010 at 11:30am — No Comments

The Poor Sad Fate of Letterville

Q and U had been together since forever, shacking up in perfect union and the envy of every couple in Letterville, including the double consonants who liked living with their respective twins near the foothills.



Nobody ever quite figured out why K, Z, Y and J were loners, but there was always gossip about Y’s being trans-letteral, often dressing up like--and going out into print as--a vowel, tho' never had Y been as notorious as...X.



O, I, E and A weren’t exactly shunned… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 30, 2010 at 1:00am — No Comments

Daily Dalliance

The L.A. Times had a dress code we account execs exceeded, preening ourselves in designer suits and $100+ neckties, while clerical staff dressed 'to the nines' and only the artists could adorn themselves in glorification of their creative spirits.



The sexual harrassment code was expressed, regarded serious enough to require annual training recertification for, as incredible as our $900 million in yearly ad sales volume was, the paper would never tolerate an expensive settlement and… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 29, 2010 at 10:30am — No Comments

Gina's Case Study

Midnight shifts as the hotel operator gave Gina the time to finish her college homework in time for her 8:30AM class.



This night, she was cramming for her final exam in Psych 340, and it wasn't exactly smooth sledding for a girl whose corn-popping nerves were her worst enemy during written tests.



It was nearing 7am and she slid the notebook in front of her and flopped the cover open, onto the desk.



"What the hell?!," she thought aloud when she saw that 43 of the… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 28, 2010 at 7:30am — No Comments

Kamikaze Deal Breaker

Countless squadrons of gnats invaded our offices a few weeks back.



Thursday afternoon on a long day with only four hours' sleep the night before, I was eye-to-eye with a client, closing a deal, when I inhaled one.



Other than maybe a shocked ::blink:: or two, I hoped my face hadn't registered it.



The insect crawled up the back of my throat, into my nasopharynx. I began to sneeze, uncontrollably, into my elbow and my eyes watered like a big snort of a mean… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 25, 2010 at 9:00pm — No Comments

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