Wednesday night: I did not enjoy my salad. I stared out at the flat sea, the cold night.

The high school band walked by, they wore track suits and talked on cell phones.

It is already to late for the highschool band, they have no chance.

I felt bored by you, which is hard, it is hard for me to feel bored.

Friday is my Monday. People walk in and they walk back out, they have many questions but  do not listen to a thing I say. There are stairs in the center of this building…… walk up them go on up to the top floor. Walk out on to the veranda look below into the clear blue pacific; see the orange fish darting fast below the surface? They are the state fish and unrelated to the goldfish.

The fish hate you.

The day is beautiful and the beauty is oppressive.

Every breath every action feels wasted.

I feel cramped and undone, unseen, unheard.

 You let me go so easy, why? It wasn’t worth the effort. I am still here

I am eating ice cream walking down a winter street in paradise

Where are you?

Things are things :
 I could break free
  but the burden of these mistakes
 these lost hopes
 these broken plans
 is a weight I drag with me
 for now and for ever
 there is no freedom
 no deeper insight
the meaning is
 the lies

the deceptions
 the base survival of men