Paul McIntyre's Page

Everybody wants to know his or her future, and I'll get to know mine soon.
It’s been a year of arguments on both sides, and I’m tired – tired of it all.
Part of me just wants to sleep, to let it all slip away: my whole life, the girl who died, the friends I had back then – it’s not part of me any more.
My life now is one of waiting, always waiting; but what am I waiting for?
I’m a prisoner now, and I’ll be a prisoner whatever the outcome – my fate is sealed.
I already know my future: it’s one of… Continue

I remember that holiday for all the wrong reasons.

We didn’t leave the motel room – partly because you were still scared of going outdoors – but mainly because this was the start of us – you and me together.

We tore a page out of the Bible for each time we had sex (I’d say “we made love”, but we never did that, you were detached from it all), I don’t know, it became like some kind of weird ritual.

And as the disembodied pages of the book of Genesis built up and formed a carpet around us, I wo… Continue

I want to stay here. They’ve told me I’m fine, but I’m not fine! They don’t know anything – I’m ill – I’ve always been ill; I can live with ill. How dare they tell me to leave, that I’m better now? This is my home; a home where I’m watched over, where I’m tended to, where I’m somebody that matters. Out there I’m nothing – just another of those well people – being well scares me – can’t I just stay here, on the ward?

Just because I watched it happen, it doesn’t make it my fault.

The memory runs around in my mind – swirling constantly, always there, burrowing away – giving me that uneasy feeling.

The sequence of events goes like this – if it seems edited together, like a TV show, then it’s intentional, as it’s exactly how it seems in my head.

We are stood on the pavement, a group of us.

Then there are bright flashes.

We’ve got some fireworks, bangers mainly, but rockets and a green dragon too – we hold t… Continue