Jay Holmes's Page

Every time I open a brand new bar of soap out of the little cardboard box it reminds me of something. I hold it to my nose and inhale deeply. There is something about the soap, a promise. It looks so good. I want to bite into the soap even though I know what will happen. The mind is powerful and can lock away things for a very long time until you open a brand new box of soap.

I must have some kind of deficiency because all of a sudden I'm filled with the urge to drive out to a fruit stand and buy sacks of plums and grapes and nectarines, maybe a hundred dollars worth. I will put all that shit right in an ice chest, because I like my fruit ice cold. I can't wait to get naked and eat all the fruit and spit out the pits right on the ground and let all the juices run down my beard and chest. You know I would get so high off the fruit, like fucking whacked out of my mind… Continue

I wrote this story about Casey, there was no beginning to the story. It didn't start with him being born or growing up or anything. I guess he arrived where he is at like the rest of us. There was no middle to the story either. I mean, Casey got married and had kids and all that but that's the whole middle of the story, not much else happened. There is no ending either, Casey is still alive and employed and all of that,

so that's the story about Casey.

The most beautiful woman Tom has ever seen walks into the tattoo parlor.

The kind of beauty that opens doors and creates opportunity.

With a tear in her eye she asks for something ugly across her face.

Tom says, "the frown and the tears aren't enough?"

Standing there like a toothache; she has never been denied anything in her life.

The clock behind the counter strikes twelve.

Satan and Jesus get on an elevator together and by Satan and Jesus I mean Bill Gates and Steve Jobs.

Satan...I mean Bill Gates is on the way down to the 666th floor when the elevator gets stuck somewhere in the hundreds.

They both stand there not looking at each other waiting for it to fix itself but it does not.

"If Microsoft designed this elevator we could just reboot in safe mode and be on our way", Bill says.

Steve doesn't respond, instead he pulls out his iphone, taps the screen a few t… Continue