What can YOU say in six sentences?
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WOW
Spectacular view.
Time to start building a new collection of books...
These two sentences were the money sentences for me: "Our drowsy eyes never changing between the two; the calm that comes is the same. From mother's arms to the train, from the train to another who learns our curves and sensitivities." There's just…
"Slowly being consumed by an overactive brain" is the money phrase. I hate when my thoughts are so intrusive and palpable that my head literally feels heavy and dizzy. I find that the sentences in this paragraph are really strong except for "However…
Also, the turn of the paragraph has a really good epiphany. I feel the same way. Death happens first when you forget good things, and that can happen at any time in your life.
The cadence, breadth, and natural, flowing rhythm of the third sentence in particular, in contrast with the last sentence breaks my heart. It was a really beautiful read!
Oh, man, hard core possession in Literature always scares the crap out of me. Well, done!
Profile Information
- Relationship Status:
- It's Complicated
- About Me:
- I work 2.5 jobs, and these Black Israel teenagers who preach on Telegraph and Durant every Saturday threatened to rape me soon because my ex boyfriend maced two of them in the face last semester. I have already graduated, but do not have a diploma because I cannot afford it. I am positive I have several obsessive compulsive disorders, and my fervor for projecting "magical" qualities (hyper sensibility, philosophy, ambition, intelligence, deep inner desires) and painful, hidden pasts onto people is only one of them. You might imagine that I love Life and people very much (in a general, abstract sense - I have no courage to love any one person more than a book), and I do, and they are the only things that I can say I love for a certainty.
I can't sleep at night.
Hello, fellow readers and writers!
I'm really enjoying this community's energy and the kind of writing it produces, and I'm going to do my best to provide feedback on whatever I can get my hands on. I hope you benefit from my feedback, as I benefit from your wonderful thoughts and craftmanship. Let's all support each other, challenge ourselves, do our best, and have a lot of fun. Let me know if my feedback is helpful; readers need love, too! <3
Rock on.
Rock on.
Comment Wall (4 comments)
- At 2:40pm on September 1, 2009,
Miranda Ellen Buchanan said…
- very pretty pics.
- At 12:09am on July 27, 2009,
Jodi MacArthur said… - JD,
I haven't been on six for a couple of days. Thanks for your comments on Gingerbread. You're def a smart cookie! Caught me. Originally, the story started with a young boy climbing a pine, then I realized (as we authors often do) that he was escaping somebody, then he heard the cries from children buried under the earth...and then I realized he was Hansel. Story did a proactive switcharoo...you caught exactly where I switched and shame on me for not catching it. Thanks for the critique!
Jodi
- At 10:31pm on July 23, 2009,
Jodi MacArthur said…
- Hi JD,
I was just over at Rob's page and saw your comments to him. You're so sweet!
Post some more!
Jodi
- At 3:12pm on July 23, 2009,
Robert McEvily said…
- Welcome JD!
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