These days you have been more then a fleeting thought. In these moments, I felt your 40th just pass, and I would wish you a Happy Birthday if I thought it could be just that. But it can't....

Does the plan run out of fuel? Eventually. Then down you go. Nothing to hold on to. Everything you had in the world was sacrificed for this. Only to be destroyed in the process of getting here. I was staring into it the whole time. Like a fool, I tried to change the unavoidable. All I can hear now is the "nothings," I'll be from the dozens of voices. Being positive has faded. Did I mis-step? Are they right? Now what do I do now? I went so far down this path nothing else makes sense to me.…

  Chicago happens to be where I'm from. I will claim it, but I no longer live there.  It's values and ideals no longer have any place for me. Once the biggest pond ever. And now it seems so small. Those aspirations are empty and hollow to me now.  Similar of hiding ones head in the sand, or trying to swim up stream..in a storm..weighted down...in the dark. 

Cables, carts, and cardboard start long before the camera's role. For everytime "action" is said a million and one things have already occurred. A fleet of questions and phone calls to answer. The sheer military movement of the whole escapade is a welcoming home. My inner Marine soars at the…