One day Chloe woke at her usual time, showered, dressed, read the morning paper, checked her e-mail, and stirred three heaping tablespoons of rat poison into her morning cup of coffee.

It was a departure from her usual routine and created quite a stir in Abbotsville, where Chloe was known as the most solid of solid citizens.

Five times a week for the past 25 years she’d worked the lunch and dinner shift at Ralph’s diner, serving the same greasy hamburgers and early bird…

Dear Mr. LaBo,

We regret to inform you that we must with great reluctance reject your lovely Hallmark card submission once again. Though this is a distinct improvement over your last effort (“Mommie Dearest, Sorry about the stabbing incident last Thanksgiving when I mistook you for the dinner turkey”) we still feel your most recent submission fails to conform to our high standards.

First, we feel it is longer than we would like as most of our customers have relatively short…

I’m a genius trapped inside this moron’s body – a mind designed for deep thinking, brilliant inventions, scintillating conversation, but the only thing comes out of stupid Sarah’s mouth is drivel.

Need some fr’instances – how about these: I apply to Harvard with Yale as my safety, but stupid Sarah manages to score in the low 200s on our SATs. Do I get into the Ivies; barely make my way into this fourth-rate community college.

Diploma in hand, ready to launch my brilliant career…

Dying wasn’t the worst thing that happened to Lily that Monday morning, though it was the last.

Arriving at her desk with last night’s recycled “leftover surprise” still threatening to recycle itself once more, she quickly sensed something not quite right in the office– the lethal glares from her supervisor and several coworkers, was the tip-off– and the unpleasant thought began to form in her muddled mind that those alcohol-induced rants she’d posted on facebook for a few thousand of…