The Mayan calendar speaks the truth and I bring you the word. I am privy to secret knowledge: the Dead Sea scrolls, the stolen language of the angels. Revelations, Nostradamus, the Magic 8 ball--far-seeing, all knowing, and I am here to bring the message to thee:   The world shall truly end if you recycle the milk carton in the refrigerator that has three drops in it, or the empty hand soap dispe…